Thanks!

I was talking to my co-worker this morning about fatness and all of that and do you know what she told me?  Of course not, so let me tell you.  She told me that she thought I had the body type like what they used to paint way back in the day.  You know, not fat, but with curves.  I was thrilled that she thought that.  Made my day.  Because I know I have the pudge, but it's not THAT bad. 
      We went to the gym today.  I used the eliptical machine.  Went 2 miles.  I hadn't done that in a while.  Got up a good sweat.  Felt good.  The stretching felt awesome.  I always feel good when I get a good sweat going and good stretching.  Did crunches too. 
     Why are we so hard on ourselves?  I think we create the problem in ourselves.  We need to start appreciating who we are and our bodies.  Flip the bird to the posters and magazines that you see filled with the 12 year old boys modeling women's clothing.  They are not attractive, in my eyes.  If life was just all about working out and never eating cake, well, I don't know about you, but I couldn't live like that.  NO cake?  What kind of life is that?  I know there are some people who can do it, not have anything bad for them, but I can't.  If I don't have something sweet every now and then (every day) I binge.  And then I feel like shit because I ate a whole cake.  Or whole box of ho-hos.  And then I want to puke.  So it won't all go to my ass.  No, I don't vomit.  Not intentionally anyway.  But the more I think about it, the more I can see how people become anorexic. 
    I used to have this issue that any friend I ever had, she always got the looks and the stares.  And the, "hey, how you doing?"  And not me.  Never me.  Only one person has ever done that to me and I ended up marrying him.  HAHA.  Not that I want men to stare or cat call or whistle, but every once and a while... I would hate it.... but love it... Does that make sense?  I have issues, I know. 
    Some days I feel really good about myself, and I feel pretty.  But most days, I don't.  Most days I feel....
I don't know.  It's like deep down inside I... I know what it is.  I feel like I am pretty, but I don't think other people think I am.  Why?  Because I don't look like Giselle?  Like Angelina Jolie?  They are all painted and polished.  I am real.  Nothing fake about me.
   And what difference does it make?  A friend asked me last night, how many people are you trying to sleep with?  And she made a good point.  Because I have a wonderful loving husband who loves me for who I am.  Every stretch mark (which he doesn't notice) all the wobbly bits (which he doesn't notice) all the spider veins (which, he doesn't notice).  I once pointed out how gross my flabby belly is, and he responded by coming up to me, grabbing my stomach and telling me "My child came from this belly, and I love it, flab and all".  I know, AWWW, right?  He loves me, and he wants me to know that he thinks I am sexy, no matter what.  I mean, he doesn't want me to weight 500 pounds or anything, but 160, it doesn't bother him like it bothers me.  And I honestly don't know where all the weight is.  It must be my boobs.  Because I just don't think I look like I weigh that weight.  I try not to stress too much about it.  I have a baby at home who causes enough (wonderful) stress for me.  I don't need anything else to worry about.  I just keep on keeping on and doing my thing.  Keep on trying to get healthy. 
For me.

"All things in nature that are beautiful are made up of CURVES"